July 18, 2016
The European Commission is infested with monstrous rat-beasts and a litany of other creatures and critters.
The news will come as a shock to EU officials more accustomed to dealing with policy dossiers and paperclips than a plethora of paranormal fiends and freaks.
And it may raise fears that the productivity of the brave foot soldiers of EU bureaucracy may get distracted from their work.
For the monsters are none other than Pokémon – the Japanese characters that for some reason have become massively popular (again).
Pokémon Go is the latest incomprehensible craze to sweep the world. Players of the smartphone game chase Pokémon around the real world in a frankly pointless quest to catch them.
Whispers have reached Heard in Europe that rodent Pokémon have been spotted by the European Commission. One wag, who will rename nameless, has even christened his captive rat-beast Jean-Claude.
Even more exciting for people who are old enough to know better is that there is a Pokémon Gym on the street in front of the #TeamJuncker banner.
A Pokémon gym is where you can train your captive critters instead of doing real work or facing reality.
The surge of Pokémon represents the first challenge to the otherwise uncontested supremacy of the semi-mythical Berlaymonster.
The self-style king of the Commission bestiary is a Frankish furball known for his snarky comments on the goings-on in the Brussels bubble.Heard in Europe