Heard in Europe

You must be smoking!


“Fancy a quick cig break Michel?”

One of the inconveniences of being President of the European Commission is the need to comply with those pesky EU anti-smoking rules.

Jean-Claude Juncker is well-known for his love of a crafty cigarette – or 20. And he has form when it comes to flouting the rules…

Former Council President Herman van Rompuy was compelled to issue a smoking fatwa in each Justus Lipsius meeting room used by heads of state.

Some – including Junker, the then-PM of Luxemburg – were continuing to smoke in the face of a pan-European ban on sparking up in public spaces.

Until recently, it was unclear how the Prez manages to feed his insatiable habit, while respecting the notoriously draconian anti-smoking regulations imposed on his fellow Berlaymont bureaucrats.

Obviously, it would not be seemly for the man charged with bringing the EU back to growth to be spotted huddling outside with the other shivering, nicotine-stained social lepers.

Scurrilous rumours even reached Heard in Europe that the puff-happy Luxembourger was smoking inside the Commission building itself.

Naturally allegations of such flagrant disregard for EU law demanded swift and merciless investigation.

We can today exclusively reveal that the President does NOT smoke in his 13th floor offices.

Well-placed sources cough that he takes advantage of a convenient balcony to nip outside and fill his struggling lungs.


Photograph courtesy of the European People’s Party. Published under a Creative Commons license.

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